Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
