Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
