I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize