I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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