I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
