Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
