I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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