I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
