What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize