don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
