I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
