I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
