I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
