sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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