you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
