i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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