I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
