I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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