Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
