he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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