I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
