seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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