do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she smelled like a LAN party
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
