apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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