I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
