put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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