Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
