She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm like, not good at living.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
