Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
