i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize