everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
