he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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