I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
