I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
