The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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