I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
