Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just found a bag of teeth...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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