so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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