I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I party with great urgency now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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