I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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