i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
