i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
