I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
