there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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