Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
