i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm eating all of the evidence.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
