I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
