so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
