yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
