four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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