hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize