She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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