apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
