He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
