Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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