last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize