So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize