I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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