apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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