Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
