A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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