I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize