i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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