Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
