i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Enjoy the penises
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
